before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
