My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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