Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
