I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
