Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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