she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
