i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
