I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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