I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
