I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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