Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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