I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
