it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
