he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
