i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
