i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
