Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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