god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My vagina just recognized that song.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
