make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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