Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
