i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
