it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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