True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
