Im at strip club and am horny
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
