Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
