not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
