also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
