I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
