1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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