wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
