Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The adults are the big ones right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
