Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
