I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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