i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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