he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
