saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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