I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
