His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
