I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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