Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
