you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
