Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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