you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
