Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
