i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You were trust falling into bushes
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
