I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
