there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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