Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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