he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
