love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
