Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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