I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
