Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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